Receiving Feedback

Questions and Answers on the topic of Receiving Feedback

I was a hefty boy in highschool. On the rugby field, I was in the pack, either propping or playing number eight. I remember easily out-muscling the majority of my opponents and dominating most of the physical contact. 

Then I went to University - boyo, big change! I was playing with men. I was a young pup, and as happy as I was to throw my body around with abandon, I was getting rocked. Rocked HARD. Thank goodness Sean pointed out the error in my tackling technique after our second game, otherwise my university career would have been riddled with concussions. 

Sean explained that I was always using my right shoulder when I tackled. This meant that if ever my opponent was on my left side, my head would end up right in front of them - the perfect position to get a knee right in the noggin! 

‘Cheek to cheek’, that’s the mantra. My cheek to their butt cheek. One of the best pieces of feedback I ever got; made me a better player and saved my brain, big time! 

Hello Reader,

In this article, you will find a handful of different questions for you to explore.

WHY RECEIVE FEEDBACK?

Receiving feedback is essential to achieving our goals. I want to get better at playing squash. I want to be a good boyfriend. I want to help you learn practical psychological tools. Asking my coach, girlfriend, and all of you, for feedback allows me to discern my progress towards these objectives.

You might say, I don’t need to receive verbal feedback from someone to know if I am achieving my goals. Absolutely, well said! For me, feedback includes any information we receive as a result of our actions (check out my Intro to Feedback for more on this). Looking at the examples above, I could gauge my progress by other means; for example, how often I win on the squash court, how many goofy smiles I get from my girlfriend, or how many of you attend my webinars. These details do give clues, but they don’t reveal the entire picture.

Hearing the perspective of others helps us paint the full picture. I want to know the thoughts of my coach, my girlfriend, and all of you, so that I can use that information to improve! We cannot know what someone else is thinking if they do not tell us. Feedback from our bosses, friends, teachers, coaches, etc. gives us that insight into their perspective. We can then use that information to guide us towards our goals.

IS ALL FEEDBACK USEFUL? 

I argue all feedback is useful. 

Admittedly, the feedback we receive can range from perfectly pertinent to incredibly irrelevant, but it is always informative. If we look at the story at the beginning of the article, we can see that the feedback I received from Sean was perfectly aligned to helping me be a better rugby player. On the flip side, I was once collecting feedback after a workshop I facilitated and was told I looked like Prince William - that was it. The comment was incredibly irrelevant to the workshop, but it was useful because it revealed what was in the mind of that person. 

Regardless of whether the feedback I receive is relevant to my goals, it is always useful because it provides me with new insight. It gives me the opportunity to learn the perspective of the person who is sharing their thoughts. 

We don’t, however, need to apply every piece of feedback we receive - read on to learn how I prioritize my feedback.

Should I SEEK FEEDBACK?

Ask for feedback. Ask for feedback. Ask for feedback. I cannot say it enough :) ask for feedback!

Reader, as you might have deduced, I urge you to seek feedback instead of letting it land in your lap unawares. Taking the initiative will warm up your brain, giving you the prep time to be open and ready to listen to the perspective of others. It is this mindset we are looking for when receiving feedback; being open to new ideas, willing to learn and grateful to hear the other person’s thoughts. By seeking out feedback, we put ourselves in the driver’s seat, we actively choose to be ready and willing to improve. 

Tip - Write DRAFT when looking for feedback on Slides, Essays, Videos, Posters, etc. I find that the act of writing ‘draft’ on my work helps me recognize that it is still a work in progress and puts me into the mindset of being willing to learn and accept comments.

SHOULD I ALWAYS ACT ON THE FEEDBACK I RECEIVE? 

I don’t act on every piece of feedback I receive. Yes, I will always listen and soak in the feedback, but then I reflect on the new information before deciding if I want to apply it in my life. I prioritize the perspectives of my unofficial feedback team and the ideas which are most relevant to my goals. Also, I understand that people are not standing in my shoes and it is unlikely they know the entire story. So, when they give me their thoughts, I recognize that it is their perspective, which may or may not work for my situation. The decision of what to do with the feedback I receive is my responsibility.

Note, if I don’t do anything with the feedback, I explain my reasoning to the person who shared it with me. I do this because it breaks trust with others if I ask for their input and then disregard it completely. 

WHAT DO I DO WHEN FEEDBACK ARRIVES UNEXPECTEDLY? 

As much as I seek feedback, there are still plenty of times when I unexpectedly hear, ‘Jono, can I give you some feedback?’ My immediate reaction is ‘Uh oh, what have I done!’ My heartbeat begins to sprint, I feel a sense of dread, hurriedly scour my memory for any goofs I may have done, and start looking for exits. It is tough to receive feedback unexpectedly. 

My natural tendency in these situations is to be defensive, attempting to justify why I did what I did. I am teaching myself to let go of this defensiveness, but it is CHALLENGING! My method is to recognise the dread, fear, and anxiety I feel during these situations, acknowledge the emotions and release them (to the best of my ability). I am still not where I want to be at these times, but the very act of awareness helps me lean into unexpected feedback with more of a learning mindset.

WHAT DO I DO WITH THE FEEDBACK I RECEIVE?

I love feedback. I love improving. I love working towards my goals and getting better! I close the loop with my feedback and use it to help steer and motivate me towards my goals. 

Sometimes, I receive harsh criticism. In these situations, I reflect on the information and if it is relevant, I will use that to spark a change. It motivates me to be better! Other times, I receive hearty praise. When this happens, I reflect on the information and if it is relevant, I will use that to improve. It motivates me to be better! 

Close the feedback loop and use the new information to achieve your goals.

YIPPEE!!

Reader, well done! You now know a lot more about receiving feedback now :)

Wishing you enthusiasm and joy!

Helping Young Professionals & Postgraduate Students Improve