Barriers to Giving Feedback

What are the common obstacles to giving feedback?

Hello Reader,

Giving feedback is a vital skill, regardless of where you are, what you are doing or the role that you have. Often, however, we shy away from providing others with our perspective, ideas and knowledge. Below, I have outlined a handful of key reasons why we hold back from giving feedback, as well as solutions for overcoming the barriers …

TIME

‘IS THIS THE RIGHT TIME TO GIVE FEEDBACK?’

  • Solution: I break down my feedback into Hot and Cold times.

    • Hot feedback is immediate and shorter, delivered in the heat of the activity because it is vital for that situation (ex. Doctor in surgery procedure). 

    • Cold feedback is delayed and more extensive; we discuss our experience after everything has cooled down and everyone has had some time to mull over the learnings. 

NO RELATIONSHIP

‘I DON’T KNOW THIS PERSON AT ALL, OR NOT WELL ENOUGH TO GIVE FEEDBACK’

  • Solution: Rightio, sometimes I don’t give feedback in this situation or wait until I know the person better. That being said, when I believe the feedback is valuable, I preface it with the following; ‘I recognize that I don’t know you well, but I experienced x, y & z, when ....’

DELIVERY

‘I DON’T KNOW HOW TO GIVE FEEDBACK.’

EMOTIONS

‘I DON’T WANT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS.’

  • Solution: I have two approaches to this solution.

    • Understand our Emotions - we have no idea how the person will react to our feedback, but we can be aware of our emotions and how that may affect the conversation. Personally, I can feel fear, anxiety and uncertainty when giving feedback, as well as wariness over a deep conversation. By acknowledging my emotions, I can understand that it may be me projecting my emotions on the experience and this helps me approach the feedback with a clearer mindset.

    • Consequence of Inaction - the second aspect of my solution is to explore what would happen if I didn’t share. If I withheld the feedback, what might happen in the days to come for them, for the team goal, whatever the outcome. Exploring this consequence gives me the motivation to offer. feedback.

UNCERTAINTY

‘IS IT MY PLACE TO GIVE FEEDBACK TO MY BOSS, MY FRIENDS, MY PARENTS, ETC.’

  • Solution: Yes. Everybody can learn from our feedback. They don’t have to implement it into their lives, but it is information that they can use to make decisions.

VALUE

‘IS MY FEEDBACK VALID?’

  • Solution: Maybe the person knows things I don’t know … Regardless, I believe my feedback is valid because it is my perspective. I acknowledge the ideas are my experience and is not a command which they need to implement. Instead I treat it as a hypothesis; ‘this is my experience and how I see the situation, which may not be valid for you with the knowledge you have …’

QUALITY

‘I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO THINK OF CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK.’

  • Solution: When someone asks me for feedback, I want to provide them with useful information. There are times when I just don’t have that. That’s okay, I reply, ‘I don’t have feedback at the tip of my fingers right now, would it be alright if I reflected on it and got back to you?’ My philosophy is that I would much rather delay feedback so that I can consider an appropriate response than give them fluffy, blur or dishonest feedback. 

Voila, you are now informed about a handful of barriers to giving feedback. Good luck using the various solutions and finding your own strategies (I’m always eager to hear how you approach the different obstacles!).

Wishing you an abundance of joy and warmth!

Helping Young Professionals & Postgraduate Students Improve