How to improve your emotional intelligence.
Building Blocks of EQ
Emotional Intelligence is our ability to work with, instead of against, our emotions.
You know the value of emotional intelligence. It is why you are here. You know that it can positively impact our lives, our leadership, our ability on the playing field, our team cohesion … but how do we actually go about developing the muscles of our emotional intelligence?
This article is a How To. It articulates the different skills of emotional intelligence that you can begin to practice today.
For those of you short on time, here are the spark notes:
Awareness: the ability to recognise and understand your emotions. Start here - it is the foundational skill from which all others flow.
Expression: the ability to communicate your emotions. This skill helps us release tension and foster strong relationships.
Empathy: the ability to recognise and understand the emotions of others. This skill fuels connection.
Agility: the ability to choose how you respond to your emotions. This skill puts you in the driver’s seat.
How To: The Building Blocks of Emotional Intelligence
1. Awareness
The first building block is Awareness, which is the ability to recognise our emotions. It is our capacity to identify what we are feeling in real time, as well as understand the emotions we have felt through the day, the week and in our lives. It means we are able to break down the cacophony of feelings within us and understand the granularity of our emotions.
This is the foundational building block from which all the others flow. If we are not aware of our emotions - cannot name them - we will have a very tough time working with them. So, if you want to improve your EQ, this is where I recommend you start.
2. Expression
The next building block is Expression, which is the ability to communicate our feelings, to ourselves and to others. It is the capacity to express our emotions in writing, verbally, and non-verbally, in an authentic way. Emotional expression is key to personal management and strong relationships.
Firstly, if we suppress our emotions, they will build up pressure within us and consume our energy. Expressing our emotions, on the other hand, allows us to release that internal tension and reset ourselves to equilibrium.
Secondly, communicating our feelings allows us to develop strong relationships because the other person understands who we are and where we stand.
3. Empathy
The third building block is Empathy, which is our ability to recognise and understand the emotions of others. It is the capacity to listen actively to their verbal and non-verbal communication, stand in their shoes and see their perspective, as well as connect to their emotions so that we can understand others for who they really are.
Empathy is the fuel for human connection. It is a vital skill of emotional intelligence because it allows us to profoundly understand others, pick up social cues, read a room, respond wisely and build trust in our relationships.
4. Agility
The fourth and final building block - which I consider the most challenging to learn - is Agility, which is our ability to stop ourselves from automatically reacting to our emotions and instead having the agility to choose how we respond to them. When we are emotionally rigid, our emotions rule us; we react, get stuck, are too scared to act, and don’t have a clue what our emotions are trying to tell us. Emotional agility, on the other hand, is working with our emotions - it gives us control over our lives.
It means that instead of automatically blowing up in anger, being swept along in panic, or shutting down in despair, we remain coolheaded, calm and determined. This ability means that we can influence our emotional states and adjust accordingly. It means we can work with our emotions.
So, those are the building blocks of how we can improve our emotional intelligence. It all starts with awareness - becoming more fluent in the language of emotions - from there, we then lean into expression, empathy and agility.
Wishing you a phenomenal day!
Tools:
Leadership
Emotional Intelligence